I, Da Ca$hman's Movie Reviews

U Can't Beat Me Man!

The Lone Ranger 2

Well, it's been quite a long time since I revisited this website. Left that James Bond review series in limbo, didn't I? But I suppose I'll plug my newest co-project. A fans's (good choice of words there said the mysterious fictional character on this site who never got explained) continuation of last year's best action film. Here it is, filled with sand coyotes and chair surfing abound, and probably some sentimental moments because I'm mushy, "The Lone Ranger 2."

http://savagescribe.deviantart.com/art/The-Lone-Ranger-2-Feature-Length-Fan-Screenplay-465433100?ga_submit_new=10%253A1404430041


Now, does my sudden return to this barren corner of the internet mean I may or may not start doing reviews in full on a website again?
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...
Eh, probably.

Tour

Home-You're looking at it

INDEX - Want a review of a specific movie? Find where it is on this site in the index. (Maybe it will even be in the index)

Spring 2010 Reviews-Reviews written in Spring 2010. (March 7th-June 1st).

Summer 2010 Reviews-Review written in Summer 2010. (June 2nd-September 31st)

Halloween 2010 Reviews-Reviews written in October of 2010, and one review from May 13th 2011.

Winter 2010-11 Reviews- Reviews written in the winter of 2010-11.(November 10th 2010-Valentines Day 2011)

Spring 2011 Reviews- Reviews written in Spring 2011. (February 15th-Memorial Day)

Summer 2011 Reviews - Reviews written in Summer 2011 (June 1st-August 31st)

Halloween 2011 Reviews - Reviews written in Halloween Season, 2011 + the first Drankenstein Manathon (September 1st-December 31st)

TRI1 2012 Reviews - Reviews written in the first 4 months of 2012. (January 2nd 2012 - April 30th 2012)

TRI2 2012 Reviews - Reviews written in the second 4 month of 2012 (May 1st - September 2nd)

TRI3 2012 Reviews - Reviews written in the last 4 months of 2012 (September 11th - December 31st)

Drankenstein Manathon II - Reviews written throughout 2012 concluding the Drankenstein Manathon

Phase-1 2013 Reviews - Reviews written during the part of 2013 which follows the first ten years of James Bond movies, which documents both the Ian Fleming novels and Sean Connery's cannon contribution to the franchise. (January 1st-April 13th/1962-1971)

It is a weird, but kept up tradition to never call a section "Fall Reviews."

Movie Ratings Archive-An index of the ratings for all the movies I've reviewed since I started the website. Organized from worst to best.

Book Reviews-Reviews of Books

Video Game Reviews-Review of Video Games

Those last two aren't updated a lot since I'm not nearly as versed in those two as I am movies.

Trailers - Not updated. Ever. Unless it's a blue moon on Friday the 13th and all the planets are aligned.

Contact Us-File a request for a review, give constructive or destructive criticism towards one of my reviews, or talk about forming a partnership. Or just random crap. I like random crap. You wanna talk about taking over Mongolia and hanging all of them by their toenails, I'm game.

Recommend:

(Do people even use that thing anymore?)

Unofficial/Personal Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/IDaCashman

Introductory Notes

I am a simple (yet insane) seventeen year old giving my opinion on movies (and a few games and books) here on this website. I like to think of myself as skilled in this art, but deep inside I know I'm an idiot and I wish to improve anyway I possibly can. There's a little Contact Me section where you can send me some feedback, or just request a movie. Or shoot the shit. I like shit. I tend to improve myself the more I do it and the longer I do it - as does everybody - but the former more than the latter. In the span of two years my reviews have advanced from 5 two-sentence paragraphs to 4K word counts. That's not to say quantity = quality. Some of my longest have been my worst, and some of my shortest have been really good, but the point is that I'm getting better at elaboration. My word choice, comprehension of film, honesty and psychology have increased over the years. My petty bias against "artsy" films has disintegrated since the inception of this website. (Though I still think Gone with the Wind should go to Hell.)

I have been doing background information on movies since September of 2011. These blurbs would appear before the actual review. Since my review of Star Wars in June 2012 I have been reviewing in a new format, followed with minimal exception. I do reviews in several sections. The background can end up lasting between 1-3 sections depending on the material, how much went into making it and how much background information is available in a reasonable source. The section that is review will always remain a constant one, there aren't 'reviewing the visuals' and 'reviewing the story' sections or sections like those. I also do a section on aftermath for special films that are either part of a series or have had an influence on culture. If they are part of a series, typically I do an aftermath section of that movie in the next review - unless either the review of the film is too small, or it is the last in that series. Bottom line, I like behind the scenes material.

My reviews tend to be very long. The review of mine since the Star Wars review (being my 300th) is 1000-3000 words. They can be as short as 500 however. The longest one I've ever done is Star Wars, which is over 9000 words. This made the internet geek in me very happy.

I tend to review referring other reviews I've done. This can come across as confusing in some of my entries, especially to new fans - or, in some cases, if the original thing I'm referencing no longer exists. I apologize for this, but I'm not going to change it. I have my personality.

I also portray a character on this website from time to time. So for reviews like Snow White & The Huntsman, where I really have nothing better to say, I just go nuts. Same with AVP:R.

When I review a movie twice, typically the first review is deleted. This is done because I wish to keep the website pure. I note the original review's faults in the Index section.

Finally, where do I get my sources? For popular opinions I tend to go to IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes. Never been a big fan of MetaCritic. For background information, I typically go to Wikipedia, the easy route. Sometimes I got IMDb if Wikipedia does not have sufficent information. I find MPAA Certificate Numbers on this website:  http://members.chello.nl/~a.degreef/Filmnummers.html, and calculate inflation rates at this site: http://www.westegg.com/inflation/. My opinions tend to be all mine, of course, but I have unjustly stolen lines from other reviewers in my complete bliss.

Who inspired me to review movies? James D. Rolfe honestly. I found him entertaining as he pretty much talked about movies that I liked as a preteen and early teenager. (Not to say I still don't love those flicks - I wanna see Inframan vs. Jet Jaguar so bad.) I wanted to be like him because he seemed like he liked everything I thought was cool...but not only that, HE WAS COOL! Something I'll never be....In fluctuation, I've been a half-pretentious asshole, and a half-drunkard. Jeremy Jahns is probably responsible for this, though I'm nowhere near as talented as him. I try to be an scholar who can also hang with the dudes and dudettes just fine. I will often use swearing casually and talk about sophisticated aspects in a "fun" fashion for the sake of building a bridge between the simpleton and the master. Or, in other words----I find the audience the most important part of the movie, while still recognizing the audience is quite stupid.

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Updates

Updates started on the 29th of March 2010, and the last 20 updates are shown.

1/26/2013 I highly advise against doing anything that Steve Martin does in this movie, but I would definitely advise reading my review of The Jerk, brought to us by The Midnite Slammer. The Requestathon 2 continues.

2/03/2013 Happy Superbowl day everybody, looks like Beyonce killed everybody or something. (No, legitimately, I think those fireworks sucked all the power out of the arena.) According to the 250-word standard for publications, my first three James Bond reviews tally in at 48 pages. And the third one comes today, From Russia with Love. Read it. Love it. Read it with love, from Russia. Also, just a quick brag, if this average continues, my entire marathon will have a duration of 416 pages.

2/10/2013 You may all thank RhinoKlox for today's review. Damn he's been good so far. We continue The Requestathon 2 with arguably Scorsese's best picture, Raging Bull. Review out now.

2/17/2013 The film so impactful that people actually believed the kayfabe murdered actors in the movie died during production. The name's Finger. GOLDFinger. The Richest Man Alive.

2/18/2013 The Requestathon 2 continues on with another RhinoKlox Klassic called "Ladyhawke." And that's the extent of my knowledge. 

3/7/2013 Whoof, forgive my lack of an update in a while. We're not quite off schedule technically but I gotta start keeping a sharp eye on this shit. We got the next entry in The James Bondathon, entitled Longitude 78 West. Most of you probably know it as Thunderball.

3/12/2013 So after an entire month with films provided by The Great God of Bacon (RhinoKlox) we now have entered a month of The Requestathon 2 with a double feature of films provided by The Green One, each one also being requested by another person. Today's review was double-requested by The Green One and Sean Rightwizard, and it's called Memento.

3/17/2013 Happy St. Patty's day, even though the movie review today doesn't really have anything to do with St. Patty's day.....ummm....It's time for the second in the trilogy of unofficial Bond movies, Casino Royale 1967! Starring Woody Allen, Orson Welles and Peter Sellers. Review out now!

4/1/2013 What better movie to review than my own? Oedipus the King in a Nutshell, review out now! 

4/4/2013 Alright, I've fucked with you guys enough. Now it's time to get down to business. The movie I was supposed to review on the 1st. Ironically, starring a giant ass bunny rabbit. Oh yeah. You know what it is. All around me are familiar faces.

4/9/2013 Bless snowdays. Even if it's not really a snowday. I still don't have to go to school because of roads. Get to spend the day playing me some drums and watching me some James Bond. You Only Live Twice, so live it well, and that includes reading this review. 

4/16/2013 Is it even worth it to say that I don't know what joke I was referencing anymore? New review out! It's a continuation of The Requestathon 2, and it's from DoogJMusic, and it's called "Spirited Away." And it's Studio Ghibli. You guys like Studio Ghibli. Review out now!

4/23/2013 Updates are coming slow man. That's gonna speed up by Summertime. In the meantime, I heard a ring...is it...Notre Dame?....is it....Big Ben?...is it...oh God...it is....IT'S THE BELLS! THE BELLES OF HELL!...Also known as On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Review out now.

5/17/2013 Okay, I have some fucking 'splaning to do. Finals. ...there, we're done. No, but seriously. I wasn't able to do anything between the 24th of April and the 4th of May because of the play - which, by the way, was Night of the Living Dead, and it was total boss - and after that, it really was just homework. The two reviews I'm uploading today are Jesus Christ Superstar, a rather short one, and Diamonds are Forever. Go check 'em out. These reviews I'm uploading today were two weeks late when they were written and they're about four weeks late now. HOWEVER...Summer's about to happen. That's going to give so much fucking freetime. Catching up should be easy, getting far ahead should be feasible, and senior year is gonna be so much easier than junior year. And I'm fucking excited. Firstly, we're beginning a new phase. We've fully chronicled the life of Ian Fleming, the cannon Bond performances by Sean Connery, and one of the most iconic Bond villains, namely Ernst Stavro Blofeld. But secondly....guess how many reviews I have up? 390. That means in ten reviews, it'll be 400. I legitimately did not figure out what I wanted to do until halfway through the hiatus, which is why I haven't dropped any hints. But now I know, and it's going to be fucking epic. Here's your first hint: Children of Bodom. You'll get your next hints on the 25th, because I need to take the next 8 days off also, just because the finals haven't actually happened yet. Don't worry. There will be some awesome stuff coming on that day.

5/27/2013 I'm back. And ready. Something invigorated. You ready? 'Cause this review's been a long time coming. For nearly a decade, this was regarded as Martin Scorsese's last masterpiece: Gangs of New York. Review out now. 

5/30/2013 Quick update today. Got to see Iron Man III, and I have some thoughts that might not be usual. check out the review today.

5/31/2013 You never know what will come up when you're in a state full of geckos and gators. Or, snakes and lakes in this case. Check out my review of Mud, out now.

6/22/2013 ...Extended absences can sometimes be worthwhile. You get...ideas. Your review today: The Undertaker's Wind. Your HINT, for the FOUR-HUNDREDTH review: NEW YORK.

                                          THE END BEGINS 007


Today is the big day. The day I die, meet with God, and fuse with Ozzy Osbourne and Albert Einstein in order to become the perfect trifecta of Ozzyman Einstein and travel in the Crazy Train at above the speed of light. But today is also the time of a big announcement.

First, some background information. It’s known that throughout the history of my website, I have attempted to complete ambitious marathons in condensed and tiny amounts of time, often using every damn day I have off, thus removing all of my lives. This did not turn out well for my grades and priorities, nor was it successful. Note that the marathon that was initially supposed to last three months lasted throughout the entirety of 2012.

So, to counteract this decision, I have created a lenient schedule for 2013. At the same time, however, it is large and grand-scale. I have done this by looking through the largest film franchises in the world. There is a perfect match. In 1953, Ian Fleming published the novel Casino Royale. Meaning that next year will mark the 60th anniversary of the character James Bond. In 1954 and 1967, the BBC produced adaptations of this novel. The novel Casino Royale led to many sequel novels, which spawned a 23 film franchise, with the famous spin-off Never Say Never Again. I have just listed twenty-six films. There are fifty-two weeks in a year. 52/2=26. So naturally, my ultimate, year-long plan would dictate a review of a James Bond film once every other week. A giant marathon with a very lenient schedule.

But what of the weeks in between? This will be resolved with another marathon…..drum roll please…..The Request-athon 2. During the year, every other week I will review another film requested by a friend or fan. The full list is accessible through the video portion of this announcement and as a note on Facebook. In addition to these films, I will do small marathons of sequels to these films during June. In July, there will be two marathons, that if marked on the calendar would form an X. With a Siamese Twin.

Hopefully you look forward to 2013.